Oscar Wilde has been crowned the greatest wit, while Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson managed to land a place in the top five.

A survey of 3,000 comedy fans named the playwright - who supposedly muttered "either those curtains go or I do" on his deathbed - the wittiest individual of all time.

Spike Milligan, whose headstone contains the immortal line "I told you I was ill", came second, followed by QI host Stephen Fry.

Top Gear's Clarkson made it to fourth place thanks to his caustic humour, while Sir Winston Churchill's penchant for putdowns landed him the fifth spot.

When accused by Labour MP Bessie Braddock of being drunk, he is said to have replied: "Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I will be sober, but you will still be ugly."

Other stars in the top ten include Paul Merton (sixth), Noel Coward (seventh), Shakespeare (eight), late football manager Brian Clough (ninth) and Liam Gallagher (tenth), who once summed up Posh Spice with: "She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line at the same time, let alone write a book."

Margaret Thatcher was the highest ranking female at number 12.

The former prime minister's comments have included: "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."

More than half of people surveyed (57 per cent) considered men wittier than women, saying they were most likely to be confident at delivering one liners, compared with women who showed more talent at being sarcastic.

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